A Poem by Matthew Valdespino

In Pursuit of Humble Dreams

True humility is impossible
I'm too stupid for it
Stumbling around the deli line
Scared that my boss
Will see my fucked up wrapping
"Tuck the bread, fold it in, and push"
I'm only here to properly worship
That mischievous god
The minimum wage
But the sermons aren't steady
Work schedules can change
So I can't make plans
Just pray

Sweating over crumpled receipts
My boiling stomach raises questions.
What is ambition without confidence?
Hatred and fear
The type of melancholy disdain
That turns a good man bitter
Because he wanted to be "great"
Are my dreams here to guide me
Or to ruin me?
Filling me with unseemly pity
For the similarities between myself
And the man sleeping on the sidewalk.

Where are the stars?
Wasn't I going to be
A constellation someday?
My name whispered into the endless dark
By those cracking throats
I filled with water
Wasn't I going to live forever
through their eager laughter
a chain of love that I created?
I guess what I'm asking is
when will I save the world?

I went to a good school
Got my grades
Degree covered in Ivy
But now, who am I?
Some wasteful dummy
Chewing on last week's donut holes
Living in my Uncle's basement
Pouring through Craigslist
For 400 dollar rent
Only month-to-month
Gotta be ready
For the floor to collapse

But I have a car
Registered and insured
And filled with gas
If things really do fall apart,
I start to drown
In this sea of self-made shame,
I can curse the universe
I don't believe in
And ride into the sun
To hide behind it's blinding glare
So my dreams can't find me

Matthew Valdespino is a 23 year old graduate of the University of Pennsylvania.  After spending the past year working on farms in Lynden, Washington and Central Chile, he has moved into the Seattle-Tacoma area to pursue his interests in Poetry on a more full time basis.  His work tends to explore limitations, both of himself and those around him, the virtue of struggle, and the city of Seattle.